Normally I would not do this, but I want to know what everyone else thinks. Those who know me, which is uh, not many, lol know that I am not one who thinks very highly of myself nor do I have any confidence in anything I do lol Luckily, I know a few people who have been through some of the same stuff and are willing to take me under their wing and help out. I have tried the whole "say you're beautiful 10x in a mirror" and I have also tried writing things down. I KNOW I am not all that great looking, but I want to know how you aliens, monkeys and other sorts deal with the daily stress of getting dirty looks, harrassed and the absurd torments OTHER than stabbing people with pencils and doing what I do, which is lock self in house and never go out lol (GD I am fucked up)
Poetry in the Dark Allies
Leave
I do not deserve this,
this is not how I planned it to be.
He is always gone,
and I am left alone.
I love him to pieces and yet,
I know I have to leave
I know he has another woman,
and I am the one crying alone at night.
He is so sweet and loving,
but in the blinnk of an eye,
he becomes a terrifying monster.
He smells of alcohol
and I hardly see him sober
We always seem to fight,
and he leaves the bruises as his proof.
They are my blanket,
one that is so permanent.
He says he has to work,
he never has any time at home.
I am afraid to say anything,
and friend's say it is just a phase.
I have no life and family is never around.
I'll pack my stuff in boxes,
what's left from the fire,
and I'll run away,
I'll call the cops,
I'll be a free butterfly,
I'll steal his money and run,
spreading my wings and flying into freedom,
just as soon as the doorway is clear,
and he releases his hands from his grip around my neck
Abused
I feel the sting as your hand slaps my face.
I can feel the blood gushing from my lip as you punch you fist into my face.
You scream and hollar words I cannot understand.
tears roll down my face as I try to hide the pain
I stand there knowing you are madder than hell
I didn't do anything but somehow I know I deserve his
I know you love me,
almost as much as I love you
We'll learn to stop arguing,
We'll learn to stop the fighting,
but right now I am being punished for loving you so much
I dont want to leave you,
I know I am nothing without you
Suddenly I feel blood trickeling down my neck
You said you'd kill me if I ever left.
We embrace in a hug and you softly whisper "I love you"
as you kiss the side of my neck.
you seem so happy and yet,
watching you makes me sick
Why do I get treated like this,
when did it become a crime for a lonely girl to love her abusive boyfriend?
It is March 6, 2007, and the time is 2:00pm. I sit in class listening to lectures and suddenly a thought comes to mnind. "How are things connected, if in fact, they are?" I have had many experiences where I was able to see some kind of metaphorical meaning that would connect them to another experience. As if (2 would infact be 1, but still be 2) had exsisted: An mp3 player to life, a piece of candy with three flavors is greatly similar to a type of icecream to a sequence of mind ideas; or an osession to exsistance. Feelings of mindful emotions reconized by a musical note possibly has the possibility to change body movement intent and even motivated sources of boosts of extra energy. By Newton's law, "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction," 1+2=3; but what if his ideas towards science and positive outlook could be altered, and overal change within the same sequence? What if the reaction from the primary action had indeed caused the primary action? If this was to be true, then the equation could convert, thus making the primary action the reaction, and the reaction of the primary action an action itself, causing the one that caused it; almost as if it were not to be action=reaction, but after change, it is action=action and reaction=reaction
change
I know I have made some mistakes in my life, hurt guys who didnt deserve it and didnt always tell the whole truth and I lost some of my best friends for it; and those of you know who you are, I am sorry for what I did. I got a new boyfriend now, one who I can take the second chance and prove I am not as bad of a person as I sometimes make people believe I am. I am more confident with myself and I realized that I dont need to put on a big act just to get noticed and I dont need to have what everyone else does, and I am sorry I got so jelious of some and made you no longer talk to me! 
I am decided to do what I want in life, go for my goals instead of letting everyone else decide for me and run my life, and I've decided to take a wise friend's advice and not care what anyone thinks of me and just be me, no matter how pathetic it makes me look or how many people label me an outkast and throw stones! Thanks "Tennessee Partiers" I really appreciate all you have taught me and I hope you can somehow forgive me and give me a second chance to prove I can be a better "friend" 
